Little Booey Blue

by Booey Vortex

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05:37

about

“I Saved Up For Top Surgery & All I Got Was This Lousy Album.” kind of true. also wanna get my voice on record in case i ever go on T & lose it forever. trans stuff.

context: #hotgirlsummer, 2019. surgery, “i’m a sex god now!,” the nurses all crack up. watching /the favourite/ stoned & in love with my friend, oops. are my nipples gonna fall off?

afterwards: i went on a silent meditation retreat & had visions & Figured It All Out. newts, daddy long legs, pine needles.

during: brooklyn. sticky hot. went to school with nate but don’t know you /that/ well but we’re gonna spend nine 10-hour days together. owen wilson: “WOW.” indeed. (we’re jews so we can make jew jokes that i won't repeat here. or can we)

a lot of me crying. at what? all the pain i’ve ever felt which is in these dangd songs. crying cuz of my “beam of love" situation, cuz i’m sam & i can’t save frodo, cuz i’m frodo & i can’t be saved. this world. & how do we make “house of healing” fit. etc.

but also: sweet times, the sweetest. inky black rice from scoops, everything from scoops, the word “scoops.” the blue sky, the sun. chris thornton. all the jamaican food in lefferts, such abundance, unreal. gentry but trying not to be the worst. alley kittens. i bought a leotard at rainbow cuz i ran out of underwear

what about recording music? sometimes nate’s playing everything, i’m just on my stomach reading n.k. jemisin. sometimes it’s all me. i take off my shirt to sing because i can. a little self-conscious but “i want to feel like a raw nerve!” close my eyes.

a moment: me turning the RATE knob so so so softly, while nate presses keys, that warbly synth on “i’m alive.” so so softly so focused something flows through us, “we become music we become one” (don’t hate me) “VIBRATION”

--

citations:

“we’ll never be as strong as them they got death on their side” is paraphrasing aurora levins morales paraphrasing roque dalton in her “v’ahavta” poem (www.auroralevinsmorales.com/blog/vahavta). in fact that poem is everything

“you have already arrived” is from /how to walk/ by thich nhat hanh

the song “house of healing” is from being a member of put people first! pa (www.putpeoplefirstpa.org)

the last verse of “rosie cotton” is from /return of the king/ book 6 chap 1.

credits

released March 26, 2020

Little Booey Blue by Booey Vortex
All songs by Booey Vortex
Produced by Nate Mendelsohn and Booey Vortex

Booey Vortex -- vocals, electric guitar, acoustic guitar, synth, harmonica
Nate Mendelsohn -- drums, bass, percussion, synth, clarinet, saxophone, background vocals
Christopher Thornton -- lead guitar on 1, 2, 4, 6

Engineered and Mixed by Nate Mendelsohn at Two Way Mirror and Figure Nate Recording
Mastered by Andi Jones at So Big Auditory

Album art by Booey Vortex
Photo by Gabriel Maxwell Freed

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IG @booey.vortex
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about

Cows at the Edge of the Earth New York, New York

~ not a label ;) ~

• a shared bandcamp / secret public web bunker from a bunch of friends who make music, sometimes together

• not a label, just a bandcamp [and secret public web bunker]

• email nate [cowsattheedgeof
theearth at
gmail.com] with questions suggestions
etc
... more

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Track Name: Use It Or Lose It
you grabbed your hat, your bags are packed, ready to go
never understood just why you move so slow
after all of that
you decide to stay home

you better use it babe
before you lose it
use it babe
before you lose it
use it babe
before you lose it
before you lose it

bodies close, words in your throat, there's something there
never understood just why you feel so scared
fall back to bed, with your own head
your arms wrapped round thin air

you better use it babe
(etc.)

i look at things, i forge my rings, i float along
try to find the perfect words to write the perfect song
AND EVEN THOUGH
EVERYTHING THAT
I DO IS WRONG

YOU BETTER USE IT BABE
(etc.)
Track Name: Euphoria
well i
found a way out
it wouldn't be that hard
it wouldn't be that hard
but they won't let me take it

i
found a way out
it would make me happy
(it might make me happy)
but they don't want us to make it

and you can't live within it
and you can't live without
and you're looking for answers
you might always have doubts

but
let
me
feel
what
it
could
feel
like
EUPHORIA
let me feel
you, can be anything you choose
you, can be anything you choose
you, can be anything you choose

well i
am so hot today
i don't care what you think
who cares what they think
this is the world we live in

we
are so hot today
and if they don't love us
(how could they not love us)
why don't they just leave us alone

and it sucks to be different
it sucks to be the same
and we're looking for comfort
we might always have pain

but
let me feel what it could feel like
EUPHORIA
let me feel
you can be anything you choose
you can be anything you choose
you can be anything you
you can be anything you choose
Track Name: High Hopes
well what you gonna do for us
what you gonna be
we produced you to produce something
now what's it gonna be

little child, gotta find a place for you
send your letter and your resume
and help us keep it all
running smooth

(well maybe i'll be a perfect failure
stumble around till i fall in a hole and stay there
i know you had such
HIGH HOPES
for me...)

well what you gonna do for us
we'll ask you one more time
we produced you to produce something
not sit and wonder why

ungrateful child
you're one of the lucky few
you know we can't provide for everyone
if we wanna keep it all
running smooth

(well maybe i'll teach some troubled children
train them to speak like they're on television
but nobody has very HIGH HOPES
for them...)

(well what you gonna do for us)
we made the shirt that's on your back
(what you gonna be)
we make the food you eat
(we produced you to produce something)
we make sure you can go out and not
get blown to smithereens (now what's it gonna be)

and if you leave us now
you'll get ground up into goo
there's nowhere else for you to go
and your guts will just keep it all
running smooth

(well maybe i'll go where you won't follow
sit on a hill and wait for something to swallow
me whole. yes i still got
HIGH HOPES.........)
Track Name: I'm Alive
saturday
in the park
was something called the fourth of july
you looked at me
your eyes grew dark
you told me that you're ready to die

remember when so many of us
didn't wanna do it anymore
they fooled so many of us
they fooled so many of us

but

i'm alive
i'm alive
and i'm full (yeah i'm full yeah i'm full) of that energy
i'm alive
i'm surprised that it's a surprise but i'm glad i'm alive
yeah i'm full (yeah i'm full yeah i'm full) of that energy
yeah i'm full yeah i'm full yeah i'm full of that energy

underground
in the dark
at least we found a place to call home
a cold expanse
a sudden spark
that wild heat surrounding our bones

we're alive
still alive
and we're full (yeah we're full yeah we're full)
of that energy
still alive
don't know how or why but our ancestors survived
leaving us leaving us leaving us
with that energy
yeah we're full yeah we're full yeah we're full
of that energy

outer space!
here we are
this planet is too good to exist
a breathing ball
a thin blue shell
an animal that got really sick

they dig it up
they'll blow it up
they don't care
they must be stopped
cuz

we're alive
we'll never be as strong as them, they got death on their side
but we're full (yeah we're full yeah we're full)
of that energy
we're alive
never feel it quite so much as when you're by my side
feeding me feeding you feeding me
with that energy
yeah we're full yeah we're full yeah we're full
yeah we're full overflow overflow
yeah we're full yeah we're full yeah we're full
of that
en
er
gy
Track Name: Already Arrived
well you
have already arrived
the moment welcomes you with open arms
the moment welcomes you inside
because you've already arrived

and you
've got love by your side
feel how it welcomes you with open arms
feel how it knows how hard you try
breathing you've already arrived
Track Name: Beam of Love
i told you twice, i told you once
things i never told anyone before
you hit me with that beam of love
the only thing i dream of
anymore

and you know i want you around babe
all the goddamn time
but when you are here
i'm overcome by fear
of goodbye

well i'm the princess, you're the pea
or maybe you're the magic bean
oh no
in the night you grow so unreal so huge
i climb the stalk i can't refuse

and you're going round my head babe
all the goddamn time
oh these ghosts in the dark
oh that moment they spark
into life

can you make it go away
please don't let it go away
i've got to stop being your friend
then we fall back into our love again

i can control a lot of things
but i cannot control my dreams
(oh no)
we kiss you turn into a worm
i slurp you down i feel you squirm

and you know i want you inside me
two droplets combine
and when we are one
then this all will be done
Track Name: In Other Worlds
let's pretend you love me
please don't ask me why
use that little head of yours
lord knows i've used mine
yes i've seen such visions
make me a magician
and bring 'em
to life

come a little closer
wanna feel you on my skin
i'm so full of caves
where the sun's never been
oh won't someone fill them
i guess it would kill them
the caves grow the more
you go in

but i believe
in other worlds
in other worlds where i get
what i need
in other worlds, in other worlds
somewhere inside of me

oh!
let's pretend my beauty
could ring out like a bell
not some wet crustacean
crushed up in its shell
the beaks come to peck me
yeah eat me, dissect me
that always that always goes well

once there was a people
who met all of my needs
some sick men destroyed them
slaughtered them like beasts
don't know how i arrived here
or why i'm alive here
i guess i'll just have to
go deep

cuz i believe
in other worlds
in other worlds where i get what
i need
(i believe)
in other worlds, in other worlds (i believe in)
somewhere inside
of
me
Track Name: House of Healing
close my eyes what do i see
a million hands held out to me
what kind of people would let me just sleep
in the gutter
and what's left to take care of
if we can't take care of each other

my neighbor found me on my knees
they sat me down by the apple tree
i cried in their shoulder, oh what is this pain
that i'm feeling
they said babe, why don't you go up
up to the house, up to the house of healing

someone signed up to cover my shift
someone else stopped to give me a lift
up to that house on the hillside all covered in flowers
they said we're here
we're here to comfort
to comfort your pain cuz your pain, cuz your pain
is ours

now i'll sing it for the lost ones
who don't know what we mean

WE ARE PEOPLE NOT CONSUMERS
BODIES BREAK DOWN WHY SHOULD OURS BREAK SOONER
WE ARE PEOPLE, THEY'RE THE LOSERS
WE'RE GONNA GET WHAT WE NEED
LATER OR SOONER

close my eyes start to relax
my worries melt like dripping wax
a gentle voice says, you can tell us what's wrong
when you're ready
we know bodies are deep and deadly
as the ocean
but also they're waves in and out
breathing certain and steady

the healers guide me down these caves
and i feel so blessed even through my pain
i'm impermanent intricate glass
for sensation to shine through
and when
you're feeling broken
i hope they will help me be well enough
to come and find you

cuz close my eyes, what do i see
a million hands held out to me
i remember that place where they treat me
gentle as a lover
and what's
left to take care of
if we can take care of
each other

now one more time for those poor lost souls
who've forgotten what we mean

WE ARE PEOPLE NOT CONSUMERS
BODIES BREAK DOWN WHY SHOULD OURS BREAK SOONER
WE ARE PEOPLE, THEY'RE THE LOSERS
WE'RE GONNA GET WHAT WE NEED
LATER OR SOONER
Track Name: Rosie Cotton
i want to tell you i love you
i know the ending is near
the sky contorting above you
i'll say it while we're still here

i think about rosie cotton
wrapping my arms around you
sorry this world's so rotten
sorry it's pierced you right through

and if you sail away
i'll watch my children play
i'll name 'em after you

i'll really miss you

--

i'm glad you have rosie cotton
i don't want all life to end
you've kept me going so often
and i've loved being your friend

and when i'm sailed and gone
your children sing their songs
i might be singing too

i'll really miss you

--

above all rides the sun
and stars forever dwell
i will not say the day is done
nor bid the stars farewell

above all rides the sun
and stars forever dwell
i will not say the day is done
nor bid the stars farewell

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